Published: Monday, August 3, 2009

Updated: Monday, August 3, 2009

I’m a total conspiracy nut.  From fake moon landings and E.T. to secret Nazi bases in Antarctica, I love me a good conspiracy.  Robert Anton Wilson, the father of modern conspiracy theory, summarized why people love conspiracies so much.
He explained that the world is a complicated place.  Society, government, economics and religion — the things that shape humanity — have to be framed into stereotypes our brain can understand.  Between work, school and “Lost,” it’s hard to find space up there for the complex inner workings of elite power and control.
So we make sense of the world through stereotypes, and it’s easier to understand that Glenn Beck, Nancy Pelosi or the Lizard People are ruining America.  If you got laid off, screwed over or are just upset, you need someone to blame.  It’s easier and reaffirming to contextualize your negative feelings toward a person or group you deem responsible.
And, of course, as Wilson loved to point out, people (some in power, some in your home) really are conspiring to screw you over every day.
History is chock full of conspiracies, shadowy groups and evil tyrants.  And given the current state of the news media, one should be inclined to read between the headlines and question what you’re being told.  A little tinfoil paranoia is good for democracy.  But like pretty much anything, some deluded, crazy people take it too far.
Most conspiracies are wrong.  Some take a shred of truth and stretch it to an illogical extreme, and others, like the Lizard People Conspiracy, just make stuff up.
But some conspiracies are wrong in a different, more insidious way.  These “conspiracies” are thinly veiled attempts to advance racist and intolerant agendas.
Holocaust denial is an example of this type of conspiracy.  Proponents either outright deny the existence or the exact body count of the Holocaust.  The conspiracy is a thinly veiled attempt to rewrite history to further a broader anti-Semitic agenda (the Jews run the world, etc.).
Recently, the “birther movement,” those who deny Barack Obama’s birth and citizenship in the United States, fall into this sick and twisted category of conspiracy.  Proponents argue that Obama was born outside the United States, and that he has “failed to produce” his birth certificate and thus constitutionally cannot be president.  The media have been covering it up for him, to further an Islamo-Socialist agenda to destroy America.  They even have a photo of a Kenyan birth certificate for Obama.
Remember that shred of truth that most conspiracies have?  This has none.  Every part of this conspiracy is wrong.  Don’t believe me?
Top five reasons we know Obama was born in the United States:
1.  The Hawaii Department of Health confirmed last week they have a birth certificate for Barack Obama; you can view it on the Internet.
2.  His birth was announced in both of the major Hawaiian newspapers in 1961.
3.  The non-partisan (meaning no political affiliation) group http://factcheck.org said that the Hawaiian birth certificate “meets all of the requirements from the State Department for proving U.S. citizenship. Claims that the document lacks a raised seal or a signature are false.”
4.  For this conspiracy to be true it would require hundreds of people, from hospital eyewitnesses and classmates to hospital record clerks and Bill O’Reilly to be in on it.  And unless you knew ahead of time that he would be president, you would need a time machine to change a 50-year-old paper.
5.  The online photo of the Kenyan Republic birth certificate is obviously a fake and probably an Internet prank. Among other tip-offs, Kenya was not a republic until two years after Obama was born (and the document was issued).
But this is not really about Obama’s birthplace.  This is about what he represents.  He is the embodiment of The Other.  Obama to them doesn’t represent real America, the good old days.
Ah, the good old days, when we could keep our doors unlocked, homosexuality was a disease and blacks were segregated.
Attempts to deny his citizenship are just an attempt to justify racist and xenophobic perceptions and agendas.  It’s no surprise that Neo-Nazi and other hate groups have all embraced this “theory;” to make him The Other, the one who is responsible for all your problems.  That black guy was elected through affirmative action and took our (white) jobs.
And nothing is as good at disseminating dangerous lies like the right-wing echo chamber.  If the blogs, talk show hosts and pundits keep saying it enough, people will believe it to be true.
My plea here is to conservatives, commentators and Republicans in general.  Kill this idea now and divorce yourself from your lunatic fringe.  They are tied around your neck like an anchor sinking you down into regional and rational obscurity.  Denounce this absurd “theory” and what it implies.
You don’t have to respect that man or his policies.  But respect the office of the president and the integrity of Hawaiian record clerks.

O’Connor is a junior studying political science and philosophy.